Tuesday, May 22, 2012

The Bachelorette: PG-13

I really struggled with whether or not to even right a blog this week.  I finally coaxed my husband into giving me the control for the TV and then about 45 minutes into it, I changed the channel.  He asked why I did that and I said I had to make sure I wasn't on PBS!  Emily is a freaking dud!  So of course she picks the least interesting guys to go on all the dates and we have to sit there and endure it!

The first date of the week went to Ryan, the pro sports trainer aka little kids boot camp instructor.  He seems like a nice enough guy if you just don't look directly at his face.  I am not sure what it is... maybe the fact that his neck all the sudden becomes his face.  Whatever it is, Emily finds that attractive.  She compared his looks to Brad... UH... GET SERIOUS!  For their date they played paddy-cake and braided each others hair.  Ok not really but OMG... that might have been more entertaining.  Basically Ryan had to spend a day in the life of Emily which involved making treats for her daughter with a floral apron on. Oh yea and then he got to sit in the car while Emily took the treats to the kids, this date just kept getting better and better!  Saving grace?  We got to listen to Gloriana which Ryan and Emily danced awkwardly in front of everyone to.  HELLO the song is called 'Kissed You" can we get a little action here... what a waste OF MY LIFE!

The next date was the group date which consisted of men taking off their shirts and being rubbed down with oil... wait no sorry I was dreaming of the good 'ol Bachelor days.  This date was all about the men and Emily putting on a show for a crowd with the Muppets.  HOLY HELL... me not having kids allows me to watch shows that don't involve sing-a-longs and the women who do have kids watch this show in hopes of seeing some trashy reality TV rather than what they have been subjected to ALL day.  HELP A SISTA OUT!  The only cute part of the day date was Charlie confiding in Emily that he didn't feel comfortable with his part due to his head injury.  Cute or working the sympathy card... thoughts?  The date ended with a little cocktail party where Emily got to talk with a few men.  The standout was Jef.  You can tell Emily is completely into him.  I am not sure yet if that is because he's playing hard to get or if there is an actual connection.  Come on women... you know we want what we can't have! That's right... 5th grade is still in full affect throughout your 20's, 30's, and hell probably forever.  I like him but ready to be a dad... just not sure?!?!  But he did get the rose on the date.

The last date went to who?  Yea I had no clue either but apparently Joe... caught her eye.  You want to know why?  Emily said he looks like Matthew McConaughey.  UH... on a serious note, do you think Emily is blind?  There is none and never will be any that look like Matthew!  Can you tell who my celebrity crush is on?!  I'll give her the hair but that is IT! Ok, now that we have that cleared up, we can move on to the date.  Emily took Joe to West Virgina, where she is from and honestly I have gone blank with what happened on the rest of the date.  That's right... completely blank.  All I know is Emily cried like she knew the guy for 20 years when she let him go.  I probably would too if I thought I was letting someone go that looked like Matthew McConaughey.  Hopefully watching the playback helped ease her mind!

 At the rose ceremony, Kalon held onto his d-bag title and poor Tony stood there waiting for Emily as she read another man's 7 PAGE letter to her.  Tony Tony Tony... there is a difference between having them chopped off and serving them on a platter #epicfailure!  In the end she did not give a rose to Aaron the biology teacher and some other guy that was there for the free booze/food.

FINALLY it looks like next week Emily will turn up the heat!  That's right people... teeth to teeth contact!  The guys better watch out, someone might chip a tooth!  I did see a one-on-one with Arie so pretty excited for that....

Until Next Week!

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

The Bachelorette: A Season of T & A

That's right people ... This Bachelor Bruiser is back because it's time to lay the smack down again on this season's TV produced  love story!  Question... do you think I'm the only one that calls myself that? Another question... ask me if I care... BB it is!

Anyhow... like I said... this is going to be the season of T & A... Teeth & Annoying Laughter!  WHY ... WHY do we have to watch Emily for an entire season?!  Again, I know what you are thinking, you don't have to but we all know you wouldn't close your eyes while passing a train wreck either!

This season is set in Emily's hometown of Charlotte, NC. I am not sure how I get how she convinced ABC to pay her $250,000 and let her stay in her home town for the show.  Snoozefest!  If you remember right, Brad and Emily barely touched on her hometown date. I'm not saying she has go to home plate with every guy but at least 3rd base with a couple!  Again, I am not saying I need NPs (nip slips) but maybe an in appropriate touch here and there.  We shall see...

The first show of the season is where Emily meets 25 "available" men and after maybe 1 hour ax's who she thinks are the fugliest least compatible with her.  Emily looked amazing in her dress though doing her own hair was definitely a mistake on her part!  Also, I know... if a man read this blog he would think I am the typical woman bashing on hot women because she has what I don't have.  Well guess what you are right... but that is only because you are looking everywhere but her face!  I hate to nit pick but I think her teeth are going to DRIVE ME NUTS all season.  They are just everywhere.  And what is with that awkward laugh she did after meeting EACH guy!  Uncomfortable creeper laugh! Next time you see me, ask me for my best Emily impression!

So what about the men?  Here are my first impressions of the note worthy men!

Alejandro, the mushroom farmer... I bet I can guess what type of mushroom's he is searching for!

Arie, a race care driver from AZ.  Totally favorite right off the bat!  (Probably just because I need something to look at for the season)

Brent with the name tag idea, I thought was nice.  But six kids really... it's called a contraceptive!

Charlie is another love of mine right off the bat.  Maybe it's the "Mother-bird Syndrome" but his story about falling and getting seriously hurt is really moving and it seems like he wants to find love!  Only time will tell if he's just like every other man ;)

David, the singer... get serious ABC... we've seen that all before.  I bet he would totally move to NC as there are lots of opportunities for struggling song writers there!

Doug is the father that had his kid write the note to Emily.  Cute touch but I just don't see the connection!

Jackson is the fitness model.  Now that I think about it there are a lot of pictures in Men's Health that don't show faces!

Jef is a CEO of a water bottle company that develops wells around the world.  He is a mystery to me still and I think he might go far.  Hopefully as the season goes stops dressing like he's John Travolta in Grease!

John the "Wolf" is a bit of a D.  I also think he maybe the one later in the season that references Emily's kid as baggage!  Going to be a one-man wolf pack for sure!

Kalon... Mr. Helicopter!  Overcompensating for something?

Sean... I am pretty sure this is the guy who was from Kansas State.  What can I say we are good breeders :) EMAW

Stevie = Dweebie!!  This is how you know ABC is involved in who gets to stay!

Travis and the egg!  Most people like I were going... what the hell is up with the egg.  But not my husband... he's like "look he has an ostridge egg".  In life there are always opportunities for education!

At the Rose Ceremony Emily rattled the names off and those she didn't were sent home.  Honestly in my opinion there were none that got enough airtime where I was really disappointed they were leaving.


The previews for the rest of the season looked pretty intriguing... looks like Emily becomes the make-out bandit and there is a little drama which always makes for good TV!  Also the ending clip for the rest of the season seemed like a mob movie... "I will protect my family until the day I die"... Sweet Home Alabama meets Saw III?!?!