Monday, November 21, 2011

That wHOle dance has been done before!

Nothing to bring you back to blogging like nude body suit with rhinestones on your private parts ;)

Sorry to my 2 followers for being MIA but work has totally gotten in my way of my blogging. I'll let you know, I have got my priorities straight again :)! So here's something fun to get us back into Katieism Mode!

Love her or hate her... B. Spears was at the top of her game in 2000. That year at the VMA's and in her "Toxic" music video, Britney busted out the infamous nude rhinestone body suit. TALK ABOUT A SHOCKER! On the VMA's every girl and guy couldn't help by stare. Of course the women were staring with jealousy telling their bfs/husbands if they had a million dollars they could look like that too. And the men were just hoping that a couple of those rhinestones would fall off... pervs! Anyhow the girl rocked it and would forever be known for that.

That brings me to today. I wake up and the first thing I see is a headline with JLO wearing a NUDE RHINESTONE BODY SUIT.

Let's go through all the reason's JLo thought this would work...
-"I was named the most beautiful person in the world by People Magazine"
-"I've got a huge a**"
-"I finally ditched that no name Latino singer"
-"I'm Jenny from the block"

Now let's visit all the reason's why it didn't...
-"You are twice the age Brit was and have 2 kids that probably are still being breast fed ... by a nanny... so I guess that doesn't count"
-"You are dating someone that could be your son"
-"No one can lip-sync like Britney"
-"And finally Britney was dating Justin Timberlake at the time.... DUH WINNING"

I do have to give props to JLO for being over 40, having two children, and rockin' that body. Those hips don't lie, that girl is fly but... Britney's root showing, no bra wearing, compulsive shaving head self, can sit comfortable knowing that the title of most PG-HOISH rests with her :)

Until the next rhinestone body suit...

PS- If you have ever worn one and think you look better than Britney and JLO, please submit those pictures to me and I will post for the group to vote on :)

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

The Bachelor Pad II: Slobber Fest

So the squeaky wheel does get the oil huh?! I have had a few people notice I have been MIA on the blogging scene lately. This is why I think my blogging career needs to be my only one ;)! I just heard my husband scream "In your dreams"... CRAP! Anyhow, I will definitely try to get back on the horse!

I know I skipped a couple weeks of the Bachelor Pad II but I am just going to jump right in to what's going on now!

This week the show started up right where it left off... Jake getting voted off! Honestly I dislike Jake, Vienna, and Casey all the same amount but I was really hoping Casey left so that the drama would continue. I was also just a little disappointed in Jake's exit. What... you continue to kiss their butts after they eliminated you?? I was at least expected a single, if not double fist flip off, maybe even throw one between your legs for a little extra affect. I personally would of gone with the "suck it" international symbol of throwing an X over my lady parts :) CLASSY!!

So what was the competition this week.... SUCKING FACE! Michelle opted out of the competition for her little girl, but let's be honest... she is getting it from Graham and lord knows he is the only one really worth swapping spit with, so I would of sat out too. No way in hell could I of kissed Casey without involuntarily puking in my mouth! On top of that, all the women said he had bad breath... literally gagging. Most of the kissing was kind of pathetic as no one wanted to piss people off but there were a couple people that lip humped harder than the rest! Holly and Ella really went in and felt people's intestines. Blake also went for it. I never knew the point of kissing is to cover up both places people breath out of (Nate I told you, you can learn things from Reality TV... see you tonight ;)). The winners of the spit collecting kissing contest were Blake and Ella. Each one, won a rose and an opportunity to lose their virginity all over again on TV.

Ella's date was first. She choose to go with Kirk which I thought was so cute. I know they are partner's but I think there could be a spark! They took off in a hot little red car to their dinner location where they realized they are the best people in the house and the only ones who truly deserve the money. They then got to ride in a hot air balloon. Ella showed Kirk why she won the competition and he realized, that is not who he voted for!

Blake ended up taking Holly, not his partner Melissa who is completely psycho, on his date. That created a big mess in the house as Holly is the ex-fiance of Michael, who broke up with her because he loves her?!?! I get that Holly is confused but pretty sure she wants her cake and wants to rub it over as many men as possible and lick it off too. Sorry men, she is the typical women searching for the perfect man... because those exist LOL. For the date, Blake and Holly flew to a ski sloop. Holly didn't know how to ski and it was probably the funniest thing ever. Face plant after face plant haha!! They did look like they had a great time but I am a secret fan of Holly and Michael. Of course Holly ended up kissing Blake after he gave a cheesy line. The thing everyone loves about him drives me nuts... his horse teeth. THOSE THINGS ARE BRIGHT! They ended up doing it staying the night together and getting Michael's panties in a bunch.

The morning after Holly and Blake's date, Michael professed he love for Holly. Don't worry men, she has plenty of leg to go around. Seriously... how is that fair?! My leg is from her knee to her foot but at least my butt is bigger than hers... got her good!

At the rose ceremony this week I thought maybe this is when Casey and Vienna would go home but of course people are so brainwashed... if they win, I will state that I am nevering watching this show again (even though we all know I will)! Unfortunately there was really no fighting who got kicked off which is Melissa, the girl who needs a hamburger and William, the wall flower.

Next Week:
I really hope Blake hooks up with Erica and they show him wearing her tiara! It's amazing how two things are so powerful ;)

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

The Bachelor Pad II: Bring on the Real Winners!

That's right people, just when you think I'm at home crying because the Bachelorette is over, the new reality obsession begins... The Bachelor Pad II. Seemed like not that long ago that I was praising some genius that came up with this amazing idea. It's the the Real World/Road Rules challenge with a little hotter people that have an education and REAL life jobs... I DIE! A bunch of Bachelor/Bachelorette rejects trying to win $250,000 and hopefully bump uglies fall in love!

Well I have to be honest and wasn't sure how this season would go. After the show is on once people start learning all the tricks, and it loses some of it's intrigue. But that is not the case this season... so much so it took them 3hrs to show the first episode.

Needless to say most of the show was dedicated to Vienna, who recently got a nose job and let's just say... sometimes you should leave good enough alone. Nothing like feeling it in your wallet and your face! But none the less, her and her bf Casey are on the show and of course that means that Jake is back! I do not like Vienna... but I REALLY don't like Jake. After his temper flare on their reunion... he needs his hands wrapped opposite ways in a white jacket! They are all crazy if you ask me. And apparently it wasn't bad enough that "guard and protect your heart" Casey got a nutso tat on his season but now he's dating Vienna... FUEL TO THE FIRE!

Some things I found interesting...

- Ames is already hooking up and with Jackie. Watch out Ames... not sure she's as nice as she seems ... plus annoying... did you see After the Final Rose... EARS BURNING!

-Michelle Money is siding with Vienna... in what world?!?!

-Graham is back! Cutie Patootie! I still think him and DeAnna were made for each other. But this season it looks like he is partnered up with M.Money. This guy obviously likes to be whipped with silicone.

-Gia Gia Gia... is back for more! Sucks being beautiful and having everyone hate you. Then again beauty isn't everything and she did date/hookup with Wes last season... RED FLAG!

-Turns out Blake is a bit of a big D! And apparently gets the woman this season. Why not go for Kirk, his twin? Oh yea because he is too busy hooking up with Tiara Princess Girl. HURL!

-Rated RATARD is back.

The challenge this week was for couples to hang over beds wrapped around each other for as long as
possible. Vienna kept telling Casey "you can last longer than Jake, believe me ;)" but now we all know the truth... LIES! Jake and Jackie won. They got to go on a date where Jake thought he was going to get some but Jackie just talked about why he got dumped the entire time. Talking about shooting a horse!

Jake and Jackie because of winning were safe for the week and they also got to choose someone to be safe. Well of course it went to Jake's friend Gia right... NOPE! It went to the other inflated blow up doll Vienna... I KNOW... MEN... IDIOTS! Jake is like a dumb girl... "I really wanted him to like me so when he said flip over, I said which way?" Him, Casey, and Vienna talked, which I liked how he asked Casey to join, but Vienna thinks it's again all for show! They are probably all best friends and this is just a way for them to be fame whores!

In the end Rated RATARD and Alli got sent packing by the group. Hopefully he is sitting next to her on the plane home in case they crash... no seat cushions needed!

I think this will be a good season. Full of drama, drama, drama! If nothing else, it will make us all feel a little less crazy!

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

The Bachelorette: I'll Take Another Tat Over a Bottle of Wine!

As one of the final two put it "All good things end badly, that's why they end" and they did for one of the final two bachelors! Last night was the final episode of Ashley the "Overtly Emotional" Bachelorette's season! Going into the final show, I was honestly on the fence about who I thought A. She would choose and B. Who was the best for her. In the end, just like every girl at one point in their lives, she chose the "bad boy" but there was a lot that led up to that point so let's get started...

This week in Figi Ashley's parents joined her to help her make a decision. Along with the mother and step-dad came Ashley's brother and beast of a sister. You know if I was God (or who Darwin said created us) then I would be pretty pissed at someone covering up my work with graffiti. Ashley's sister is such a beautiful girl but you can't help but think the ink has gone to her head! You'll understand in a bit!

The first man to meet the family was J.P.. I honestly thought he would fit in better than Ben because he seemed to be more of the family's type. WRONGO!! From the get go, sister no likey! Just after 15 minutes she tells Ashley AND J.P. that she doesn't see it and there is nothing you can do to change her mind. J.P. is of course hurt and so is Ashley. Later we find out the sister has been married and divorced already. I mean, listening to advice from her is basically like listening to a girl say "The only way to really make sure you don't get pregnant is to pull out" COME ON! Ashley, though mad at her sister, looked like she started to question things which then brought out J.P.'s NY side with a F word flying every other sentence! So that date was a bust!

Ben met the family the next day and INSTANTLY hit it off with them. It seemed as though all their personalities and quirky sides went really well together. The sister was smitten. Pretty sure she was the one who wanted Ben! She even went easy on him with all the questions. Honestly you could see how much more comfortable the family felt with all of Ben's money he had to offer Ashley :). Just kidding, they really did appear to like him more.

So after the She Devil Tattoo Hurricane called Ashley's sister got her fangs into each guy, it was time for individual dates. First up was Benny Boo Boo! What was with the hat, I don't know... a little too much for me ontop of his hair! They flew a helicopter to a place where there was a mud pool. As they rubbed each other with the mud, I started to get uncomfortable and catching myself not looking... I mean nothing is private with this girl, guess that is why she makes good TV! I screamed out loud when she took the mud and shoved it under her top... I MEAN REALLY?!?! She did the old nip and tuck! Later that night they met at Ben's hotel room. I love how ABC has now removed the seating in rooms and just left a bed... here is where you will sit/spoon/grope! I thought it was really cute when Ben finally told her that he loved her. From the way she attacked him after he said that I thought she obviously felt the same way. Come to find out there was some champagne on his lips and you know this girl and not wanting to miss a drop!

Then it was J.P.'s last chance to win her heart. Instantly when they showed Ashley this date, I thought she either had a boob job over night or that top she had on was 100% pad... YOWSERS! Anyhow, they had a long conversation about what happened the day before and J.P. told her that he is madly in love with her. I felt like he rushed it and didn't say it at the most romantic time and the way Ashley just kissed him on the cheek after, didn't make me think she was into it either! But apparently I was wrong because the next shot was of them making out and J.P. taking off her towel... WHAT IS GOING ON?!?! "Hey huh... move your booty a little to the right so we can get the money shot"!! Later that night in J.P.'s hotel room, they sat on the bed and J.P. gave her a book he made her. I actually thought that was really cute and I liked how he said, we can fill it up if you choose me. So though they had some ups and downs this episode, I felt like it ended well.

The Proposal(S)
Both men got rings from Neil Lane to propose to Ashley with. I do have to say I was a fan of Ben's because it was a little different.

I'm not going to lie, I ate up everything that ABC was feeding me this episode. They played up Ben and Ashley's love so much and made you feel like her and J.P. just weren't that compatible. By the end, I was actually rooting for Ben. He just seemed so confident and sincere. Well you can see where this is going...

Ben arrived first and actually GOT DOWN on his knees. I mean seriously... how could she let him do that?!?! And needless to say, she told him it wasn't him. He was, rightfully so, pissed! I mean wouldn't you be after this girl who dumped you made you do your "dog voice" on TV? I felt bad for Ben because he really thought he was the one. Listen Ben, I don't think Momma Ben and Sister Ben would of taken your in laws to high tea so you are probably better off!

So who won Ashley's heart... J.P.. He told her how madly in love he was and got down on one knee. When he opened the box, Ashley thought "Dang, I liked the other ring better" but said yes anyways :)! After all is said and done, I know I gave Ashley a lot of flack this season but the truth is she didn't choose to wear no bra all the time, and ABC told her to be a slore as much as possible so really it's not her to blame. And everyone needs love. I do actually think in the end, she chose the right person. I think he is a better fit for her and vice versa. On the after the rose, she and J.P. looked really in that love/infatuation stage where you can't stop sucking face. I would say these two actually might have a chance... good luck to the happy couple!

So I know the initial reaction after the last episode of a Bachelor/Bachelorette season is to be sad and ask yourself ... "What will I do now with my Monday nights", but have no fear... BACHELOR PAD II is here!

Monday, August 1, 2011

The Bachelorette: Men Tell Ashley "I think we are all better off!"

It was Funday Sunday yesterday with a Bachelorette "Men Tell All" show! Big surprise with ABC's editing, we thought it was going to be a doosey and when Chris Harrison tells us "You don't want to miss this, it's the most shocking Men Tell All ever" we still believe him! And what did we think was going to be the best part of all... Bentley would be there! But unfortunately he lost his balls and wasn't able to find them prior to the show!

Here are some highlights from the night:

  • Sneak Peak of the Bachelor Pad II: HOW EXCITED was anyone else to see Graham was going to be on this season... HOLLA! I also am pumped to see Ames is getting the loving he deserves on this upcoming show.

  • William (Hottie with a dimple who turned out to be quite the female cleanser) got put in his place by the men. He is the only one who thinks he is funny. You could see though that he doesn't mean to hurt people's feelings, he's just a moron.
  • Ryan Solar is still a cheese head. Him and Tensley actually might be good for each other!
  • Tim the drunkerd of the first episode is actually hilarious and has a funny personality! I mean, really Ashley should of gave him a chance like Brad gave her all season as she was wasted 3/4 of the time.
  • Ames has apparently swooned others hearts like mine because the crowd reaction for him was amazing! I do heart him, though he looks a little silly! Such a gentleman. Something I thought was hilarious though is that someone mentioned he doesn't turn his head, he turns his whole body.. I'm like OMG that is it!!! lol
  • Michelle Money showed up again to talk about Bentley and tried to pull down her shirt but there was nothing to pull down #whataslore
  • Anyone notice that Constantine wasn't asked to sit in the hot seat?! Bad hair= Bad ratings!
  • Ashely took advice from some of my least favorite Bachelor/Bachelorettes... Ali, Jason, and DeAnna. I mean really... 1. DeAnna who did it twice and isn't with either man 2. Jason who dumped his choice instantly and 3. Ali, well she just drives me nuts.
  • And lastly to no surprise, Ashely wore a dress she took scissors to and died her hair from a box!
All in all, it was quite a disappointing "Men Tell All", guess that shows you how interesting the men were this season.

I am not 100% convinced she is happy. Did you see her face the entire show? Did she choose someone? Are they still together? I think she would be happy with both guys, but I think she is more JP's type. TONIGHT WE FIND OUT who get's Brad's leftovers!

Thursday, July 28, 2011

The Bachelorette: And then there were 2 who I begged to stay!

Sorry for the late recap this week! I was watching my niece and nephew Monday/Tuesday, though not as scandalous as the show, definitely as entertaining. When your 4 year old niece tells her 2 year old brother who is upset "Life is hard" it just about makes your day! Love those two :)! Anyhow... let's get back to Ashley's quest for love and someone to feel up her A cups (please no comments about my chest... I am fully aware and NOT on a reality show).

Figi was this week's destination. It was so gorgeous! Nate would you be ok with me pulling a Bentley just to get a couple free vacations?? I promise to not be a slore like Ashley!

We thought this week was down to 3 men... or was it 4 ;)?!! Ben was up first... or so he thought! There was a knock on the door... really... of all the men they could of brought back... Rainbow Ryan?!?! You could tell Ashley thought he was there to tell her something about one of the men and then he said their date wasn't conducive to romance. I mean, it was just pathetic! ABC... try harder next time... even Bentley would of been more suspenseful because we all know Ashley is emotionally retarded and might of chosen him! I'll let the suspense stop here... later she dumps him all over again because he creeped on her and Constantine on their helicopter ride!

So luckily Ryan skedaddled before Ben showed up! Of course Ashley and Ben were lovey dovey when they saw each other. On a side note, Ben got a bad hair cut when he was home... probably from his mother but Ashley likes bad hair so it worked. Did anyone else see her hair this episode... can stylists not fly to FIGI??? Anyway, they spent their date on a yacht. I cringed for Ashley when she asked Ben to rub her front with sun tan lotion and then I DIED LAUGHING when he actually did!!! OH MY GOD WE JUST SAW SECOND BASE PEOPLE! Later that night when they went to dinner, Ben wore a horrible piece of cloth that he called a shirt to and he also chickened out from telling her he loved her... blah blah blah. After that in the fantasy suite Ashley pointed out the bed where she will tie him up and ... well you know how she is! How staged was getting out of the pool... stop... kiss... walk a little further... suck face more... go into the suite and assume Ben went to his first strip club! The sexual tension between those two is obvious, but is there more??

Next was Constantine's date, oh how I have missed his mullet head... not! I said it from day one, I don't get it.. and SURPRISE... neither does he! They went in a helicopter ride and laughed and giggled and tickled each other. It was just like watching Barney! They went to a waterfall where Ashley basically tells him, if he doesn't rub one of her girl parts, it's over. SO that night, Constantine basically tells her this isn't going to work and I don't see myself making a commitment. She goes "So what does this mean for the fantasy suite us"? Sorry Ashley... no nookie for you tonight and that was the last we saw of Constantine and the orange shorts! No love loss here... I could tell he wasn't that into her, because on week whatever this is, she still hadn't offered him weed.

Finally it was dear old JP's turn. They took a seaplane to an island where Ashley's shorts were so short even she was pulling them out of her VaJJ! They spent the afternoon glued together from head to toe and JP continued to wine like a little boy about wanting this all to be over. You realize JP when it's over, there will be no more vacations, it will just be you and this girl who slept with at least 1 (maybe more) of your buddies! That night Ashley gave him the card for the fantasy suite which JP couldn't turn down! All was just fine and dandy on this date until Ashley had to change into something aka a man's shirt (probably Ben's). I MEAN GET FING SERIOUS!! Nice black undies Ash! I mean, I am not stupid, I know what happens in those suites, but why be so blantely obvious?! All I can hope for is she is on some birth control that blocks STDs! Do we think she slept with both??

At the All I Have Left Rose Ceremony she decided to ask the men if they will accept the roses which I think was smart because men are dropping like flys this season! Of course they both accepted because they think they were her first :)!

Though I do rag on Ashley quite a bit, I think her season was entertaining. She never ceases to amaze me with her lack of clothing/overtly sexual inclinations/ and choices in bad men. She does deserve love... so who do we think it is??? I am honestly split 50/50. I don't know if either is perfect for her but with Ben she will have a life of fun/adventure/drunkeness and with JP I think she will have more of a real down to earth relationship with fights/love/etc.. This is a toughy. Now if Bentley was here, this choice would be easy ;)

Can't wait for "The Men Tell All"!

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

The Bachelorette: If you have to choose one...

The oh so loved hometown dates were this week! This is where normally you really get to see that connection between the couple and the love they share or it puts the nail in the coffin! To be honest, I didn't feel like any of the dates sealed the deal either way. In my opinion, if Ashley is being forced to choose one by ABC, which we all know she is, then I would definitely hit up a childhood game for this decision... eenie minie mo!

The first hometown we saw was Constantine's in CUMMINGS, GA. Really... all of his life when people have said "Where are you from" he's had to say "Cummings" and people instantly thought he was a perv. The first place they went was his restaurant that is itailian/greek/anything to stay a float. Did anyone else notice it was completely empty?? After that they headed to his parents house. They pulled up and I was like HOLLA, we know where the restaurant funding came from. After they opened the door, I realized, they spent all the money on the outside... yowsers! The family was actually great and what you would expect from a large greek family! The mother basically telling Ashley "you will move here and share our bedroom with us" is a tell tell that there is an overbearing mother-in-law hiding behind that smile! But Ashley looked like she really enjoyed the family. I think her and Constantine have a weird connection/chemistry. He just doesn't do it for me... lucky for you Nate ;)

The second hometown date went to the beloved Ames. I think his chivalry keeps making him more handsome each time I see him! Well that and his spray tan this episode :)! Did his home town in Pennsylvania not fit him to a T?! I was sad that they did the butt-out-hug when they saw each other, you could tell Ashley just wasn't into it. I loved his sister Serena and her advice to Ames about lighting the fire! Serena saw right through Ashley's BS. Ok, who's heart melted when Ames took her to a picnic under the magnolia trees and said this could be just a normal day for us... I died! I loved how he told her that the Italian Renaissance's way of romance is to find the romance in the ordinary. I MEAN, Ashley are you hearing this?? What I heard is he is way to good for her and I think she heard it too!

Next she was off to Sonoma, CA to see her kissing buddy Ben! When they saw each other they jump and giggled and kissed. You can obviously tell they are way into each other though when they have conversations, I am not sure that I see it. His family were duds, nice duds, but not even stories of their pretentious family vacations in Paris entertained me. Did anyone else notice that Ben's mouth moves like a ventriloquist doll's?? Seriously, his upper lip never moves. Guess that works out well as Ashley doesn't even have one. (Please note, I realize my lips may not be to people's liking either but I did not go on reality tv to be judged!) As Ben's hair gets worse, his and Ashley's love grows deeper. Could he be the one?

Lastly was JP's hometown in NY. I thought it was beyond cute that he took her to the roller skating rink. That is awesome. It really did bring back memories of when they played the slow songs and my friends all held hands with boys and I skated with my imaginary bf Justin Timberlake. Those were the days! Anyways, I thought they were super cute and had tons of fun together! When they went to his house, his family seemed really nice, and VERY concerned he would get his heart broke again. We get it, he has the emotional state of a 12 year old girl! I used to really like JP and Ashley together but every week that passes shows a little more of his clingy, jealous side. I say run for your life Ashley before you have to file a restraining order. But in all seriousness if he can lose the ball and chain he is chasing Ashley around with, they might actually be a cute couple.

Rose Ceremony
Ashley showed up in her black spandex leotard that was missing the bottom half and looked like a cat got to the back of it. But none the less, a rockin' body! She sadly let go of Ames who looked so confused and heartbroken. As he was leaving, he was still the gentleman that we all love! I hope he finds to love, and I actually would like to thank Ashley for letting him go because he can do better!

Next week looks like a doozy... who comes back?!?!?

Thursday, July 14, 2011

I Live to Float Another Day with UAC!

It has now become a tradition that we do an annual float trip with the Up a Creek (UAC) crew on the Kansas River. The first year (2010), one trip didn't suffice so we went another time. Luckily the money I paid for the UAC float was well worth it when they saved my life after almost drownding due to LOTS of beer, sun, and more beer! This year, I was a seasoned veteran or hopefully as my mom puts it "grew up" and no near death accidents were had... only fun times!

Our group is such a good time we were even designated the title of the "VIP Float"! I believe we were sucesseful again this year in bringing the fun & inappropriate converstations! I mean really what goes better with beer than "never have I ever".

We started off the float after we had everyone in the water and a beer in hand!

We never make it far before we "dock" the kayaks and chill in the water. Probably why our floats take 6-8hrs each time :)

If you have never been on a float before, one thing I do recommend is packing the cooler full of beer because with the sun and great friends, it goes down like water!

I mean really, does it get much better than this??

Or hotter than this??

Moral of the story, I live to float another day!

And if you ever want to have as much fun as we do on a float and live near KC, you don't have to travel far! Hit up the UAC crew on facebook, and get signed up! Really your money goes to a good cause... their beer :)!