Thursday, July 28, 2011

The Bachelorette: And then there were 2 who I begged to stay!

Sorry for the late recap this week! I was watching my niece and nephew Monday/Tuesday, though not as scandalous as the show, definitely as entertaining. When your 4 year old niece tells her 2 year old brother who is upset "Life is hard" it just about makes your day! Love those two :)! Anyhow... let's get back to Ashley's quest for love and someone to feel up her A cups (please no comments about my chest... I am fully aware and NOT on a reality show).

Figi was this week's destination. It was so gorgeous! Nate would you be ok with me pulling a Bentley just to get a couple free vacations?? I promise to not be a slore like Ashley!

We thought this week was down to 3 men... or was it 4 ;)?!! Ben was up first... or so he thought! There was a knock on the door... really... of all the men they could of brought back... Rainbow Ryan?!?! You could tell Ashley thought he was there to tell her something about one of the men and then he said their date wasn't conducive to romance. I mean, it was just pathetic! ABC... try harder next time... even Bentley would of been more suspenseful because we all know Ashley is emotionally retarded and might of chosen him! I'll let the suspense stop here... later she dumps him all over again because he creeped on her and Constantine on their helicopter ride!

So luckily Ryan skedaddled before Ben showed up! Of course Ashley and Ben were lovey dovey when they saw each other. On a side note, Ben got a bad hair cut when he was home... probably from his mother but Ashley likes bad hair so it worked. Did anyone else see her hair this episode... can stylists not fly to FIGI??? Anyway, they spent their date on a yacht. I cringed for Ashley when she asked Ben to rub her front with sun tan lotion and then I DIED LAUGHING when he actually did!!! OH MY GOD WE JUST SAW SECOND BASE PEOPLE! Later that night when they went to dinner, Ben wore a horrible piece of cloth that he called a shirt to and he also chickened out from telling her he loved her... blah blah blah. After that in the fantasy suite Ashley pointed out the bed where she will tie him up and ... well you know how she is! How staged was getting out of the pool... stop... kiss... walk a little further... suck face more... go into the suite and assume Ben went to his first strip club! The sexual tension between those two is obvious, but is there more??

Next was Constantine's date, oh how I have missed his mullet head... not! I said it from day one, I don't get it.. and SURPRISE... neither does he! They went in a helicopter ride and laughed and giggled and tickled each other. It was just like watching Barney! They went to a waterfall where Ashley basically tells him, if he doesn't rub one of her girl parts, it's over. SO that night, Constantine basically tells her this isn't going to work and I don't see myself making a commitment. She goes "So what does this mean for the fantasy suite us"? Sorry Ashley... no nookie for you tonight and that was the last we saw of Constantine and the orange shorts! No love loss here... I could tell he wasn't that into her, because on week whatever this is, she still hadn't offered him weed.

Finally it was dear old JP's turn. They took a seaplane to an island where Ashley's shorts were so short even she was pulling them out of her VaJJ! They spent the afternoon glued together from head to toe and JP continued to wine like a little boy about wanting this all to be over. You realize JP when it's over, there will be no more vacations, it will just be you and this girl who slept with at least 1 (maybe more) of your buddies! That night Ashley gave him the card for the fantasy suite which JP couldn't turn down! All was just fine and dandy on this date until Ashley had to change into something aka a man's shirt (probably Ben's). I MEAN GET FING SERIOUS!! Nice black undies Ash! I mean, I am not stupid, I know what happens in those suites, but why be so blantely obvious?! All I can hope for is she is on some birth control that blocks STDs! Do we think she slept with both??

At the All I Have Left Rose Ceremony she decided to ask the men if they will accept the roses which I think was smart because men are dropping like flys this season! Of course they both accepted because they think they were her first :)!

Though I do rag on Ashley quite a bit, I think her season was entertaining. She never ceases to amaze me with her lack of clothing/overtly sexual inclinations/ and choices in bad men. She does deserve love... so who do we think it is??? I am honestly split 50/50. I don't know if either is perfect for her but with Ben she will have a life of fun/adventure/drunkeness and with JP I think she will have more of a real down to earth relationship with fights/love/etc.. This is a toughy. Now if Bentley was here, this choice would be easy ;)

Can't wait for "The Men Tell All"!

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