The Bachelorette: And then there were 2 who I begged to stay!

Sorry for the late recap this week! I was watching my niece and nephew Monday/Tuesday, though not as scandalous as the show, definitely as entertaining. When your 4 year old niece tells her 2 year old brother who is upset "Life is hard" it just about makes your day! Love those two :)! Anyhow... let's get back to Ashley's quest for love and someone to feel up her A cups (please no comments about my chest... I am fully aware and NOT on a reality show).

Figi was this week's destination. It was so gorgeous! Nate would you be ok with me pulling a Bentley just to get a couple free vacations?? I promise to not be a slore like Ashley!

We thought this week was down to 3 men... or was it 4 ;)?!! Ben was up first... or so he thought! There was a knock on the door... really... of all the men they could of brought back... Rainbow Ryan?!?! You could tell Ashley thought he was there to tell her something about one of the men and then he said their date wasn't conducive to romance. I mean, it was just pathetic! ABC... try harder next time... even Bentley would of been more suspenseful because we all know Ashley is emotionally retarded and might of chosen him! I'll let the suspense stop here... later she dumps him all over again because he creeped on her and Constantine on their helicopter ride!

So luckily Ryan skedaddled before Ben showed up! Of course Ashley and Ben were lovey dovey when they saw each other. On a side note, Ben got a bad hair cut when he was home... probably from his mother but Ashley likes bad hair so it worked. Did anyone else see her hair this episode... can stylists not fly to FIGI??? Anyway, they spent their date on a yacht. I cringed for Ashley when she asked Ben to rub her front with sun tan lotion and then I DIED LAUGHING when he actually did!!! OH MY GOD WE JUST SAW SECOND BASE PEOPLE! Later that night when they went to dinner, Ben wore a horrible piece of cloth that he called a shirt to and he also chickened out from telling her he loved her... blah blah blah. After that in the fantasy suite Ashley pointed out the bed where she will tie him up and ... well you know how she is! How staged was getting out of the pool... stop... kiss... walk a little further... suck face more... go into the suite and assume Ben went to his first strip club! The sexual tension between those two is obvious, but is there more??

Next was Constantine's date, oh how I have missed his mullet head... not! I said it from day one, I don't get it.. and SURPRISE... neither does he! They went in a helicopter ride and laughed and giggled and tickled each other. It was just like watching Barney! They went to a waterfall where Ashley basically tells him, if he doesn't rub one of her girl parts, it's over. SO that night, Constantine basically tells her this isn't going to work and I don't see myself making a commitment. She goes "So what does this mean for the fantasy suite us"? Sorry Ashley... no nookie for you tonight and that was the last we saw of Constantine and the orange shorts! No love loss here... I could tell he wasn't that into her, because on week whatever this is, she still hadn't offered him weed.

Finally it was dear old JP's turn. They took a seaplane to an island where Ashley's shorts were so short even she was pulling them out of her VaJJ! They spent the afternoon glued together from head to toe and JP continued to wine like a little boy about wanting this all to be over. You realize JP when it's over, there will be no more vacations, it will just be you and this girl who slept with at least 1 (maybe more) of your buddies! That night Ashley gave him the card for the fantasy suite which JP couldn't turn down! All was just fine and dandy on this date until Ashley had to change into something aka a man's shirt (probably Ben's). I MEAN GET FING SERIOUS!! Nice black undies Ash! I mean, I am not stupid, I know what happens in those suites, but why be so blantely obvious?! All I can hope for is she is on some birth control that blocks STDs! Do we think she slept with both??

At the All I Have Left Rose Ceremony she decided to ask the men if they will accept the roses which I think was smart because men are dropping like flys this season! Of course they both accepted because they think they were her first :)!

Though I do rag on Ashley quite a bit, I think her season was entertaining. She never ceases to amaze me with her lack of clothing/overtly sexual inclinations/ and choices in bad men. She does deserve love... so who do we think it is??? I am honestly split 50/50. I don't know if either is perfect for her but with Ben she will have a life of fun/adventure/drunkeness and with JP I think she will have more of a real down to earth relationship with fights/love/etc.. This is a toughy. Now if Bentley was here, this choice would be easy ;)

Can't wait for "The Men Tell All"!

The Bachelorette: If you have to choose one...

The oh so loved hometown dates were this week! This is where normally you really get to see that connection between the couple and the love they share or it puts the nail in the coffin! To be honest, I didn't feel like any of the dates sealed the deal either way. In my opinion, if Ashley is being forced to choose one by ABC, which we all know she is, then I would definitely hit up a childhood game for this decision... eenie minie mo!

The first hometown we saw was Constantine's in CUMMINGS, GA. Really... all of his life when people have said "Where are you from" he's had to say "Cummings" and people instantly thought he was a perv. The first place they went was his restaurant that is itailian/greek/anything to stay a float. Did anyone else notice it was completely empty?? After that they headed to his parents house. They pulled up and I was like HOLLA, we know where the restaurant funding came from. After they opened the door, I realized, they spent all the money on the outside... yowsers! The family was actually great and what you would expect from a large greek family! The mother basically telling Ashley "you will move here and share our bedroom with us" is a tell tell that there is an overbearing mother-in-law hiding behind that smile! But Ashley looked like she really enjoyed the family. I think her and Constantine have a weird connection/chemistry. He just doesn't do it for me... lucky for you Nate ;)

The second hometown date went to the beloved Ames. I think his chivalry keeps making him more handsome each time I see him! Well that and his spray tan this episode :)! Did his home town in Pennsylvania not fit him to a T?! I was sad that they did the butt-out-hug when they saw each other, you could tell Ashley just wasn't into it. I loved his sister Serena and her advice to Ames about lighting the fire! Serena saw right through Ashley's BS. Ok, who's heart melted when Ames took her to a picnic under the magnolia trees and said this could be just a normal day for us... I died! I loved how he told her that the Italian Renaissance's way of romance is to find the romance in the ordinary. I MEAN, Ashley are you hearing this?? What I heard is he is way to good for her and I think she heard it too!

Next she was off to Sonoma, CA to see her kissing buddy Ben! When they saw each other they jump and giggled and kissed. You can obviously tell they are way into each other though when they have conversations, I am not sure that I see it. His family were duds, nice duds, but not even stories of their pretentious family vacations in Paris entertained me. Did anyone else notice that Ben's mouth moves like a ventriloquist doll's?? Seriously, his upper lip never moves. Guess that works out well as Ashley doesn't even have one. (Please note, I realize my lips may not be to people's liking either but I did not go on reality tv to be judged!) As Ben's hair gets worse, his and Ashley's love grows deeper. Could he be the one?

Lastly was JP's hometown in NY. I thought it was beyond cute that he took her to the roller skating rink. That is awesome. It really did bring back memories of when they played the slow songs and my friends all held hands with boys and I skated with my imaginary bf Justin Timberlake. Those were the days! Anyways, I thought they were super cute and had tons of fun together! When they went to his house, his family seemed really nice, and VERY concerned he would get his heart broke again. We get it, he has the emotional state of a 12 year old girl! I used to really like JP and Ashley together but every week that passes shows a little more of his clingy, jealous side. I say run for your life Ashley before you have to file a restraining order. But in all seriousness if he can lose the ball and chain he is chasing Ashley around with, they might actually be a cute couple.

Rose Ceremony
Ashley showed up in her black spandex leotard that was missing the bottom half and looked like a cat got to the back of it. But none the less, a rockin' body! She sadly let go of Ames who looked so confused and heartbroken. As he was leaving, he was still the gentleman that we all love! I hope he finds to love, and I actually would like to thank Ashley for letting him go because he can do better!

Next week looks like a doozy... who comes back?!?!?

I Live to Float Another Day with UAC!

It has now become a tradition that we do an annual float trip with the Up a Creek (UAC) crew on the Kansas River. The first year (2010), one trip didn't suffice so we went another time. Luckily the money I paid for the UAC float was well worth it when they saved my life after almost drownding due to LOTS of beer, sun, and more beer! This year, I was a seasoned veteran or hopefully as my mom puts it "grew up" and no near death accidents were had... only fun times!

Our group is such a good time we were even designated the title of the "VIP Float"! I believe we were sucesseful again this year in bringing the fun & inappropriate converstations! I mean really what goes better with beer than "never have I ever".

We started off the float after we had everyone in the water and a beer in hand!

We never make it far before we "dock" the kayaks and chill in the water. Probably why our floats take 6-8hrs each time :)

If you have never been on a float before, one thing I do recommend is packing the cooler full of beer because with the sun and great friends, it goes down like water!

I mean really, does it get much better than this??

Or hotter than this??

Moral of the story, I live to float another day!

And if you ever want to have as much fun as we do on a float and live near KC, you don't have to travel far! Hit up the UAC crew on facebook, and get signed up! Really your money goes to a good cause... their beer :)!

The Bachelorette: Bra Anyone?

Phew, the Bachelorette was back on this week. I know last week was a holiday but I felt a little lost on Monday night! Thank goodness it was back on last night so I could waste 2hrs out of my night with guys that really aren't that interesting and a girl who thinks just because she has no boobs she doesn't have to wear a bra. Ashley is having a 10 year old girl moment!

This week the group headed to Taiwan. In my opinion one of the most beautiful places they have been this season. 3 men got one on one dates and 3 got a group date.

The first one on one went to Constantine. Seriously what does Ashley see?!?! If you can even get past his hair, I get stuck on his face and that constant look of being stoned. They road a train to a little town. It was so forced... the hand holding... the leg rubbing! Women are so dumb... if a guy tells them they are not interested, no matter how much the girl isn't attracted to them, they now have the urge to make them like them. Note to men having trouble getting girls... find an emotionally stunted one like Ashley and tell them you've seen better and they'll be eating out of your hands! That night they had dinner and once I got past the boring conversation of Constantine telling Ashley over and over "when we fall for each other, we will know"... brilliant NOT... I thought it was so cool that when they lit their "love lantern" and sent it into the air that 100's of other ones appeared in the sky. It was just like the movie "Tangled"!! Yes I went and saw that movie with my niece... pretty sure I liked it more than her! And then of course the two of them kissed the rest of the night... just awkward!

The next date went to Ben. Ok, I know that he is what people are calling the "front runner" but I still don't see what those two have in common. PS- I thought at the beginning of the episode that his hair was looking better... almost like he curled it lol, but then on the date, it was back to "no brushing ben"! They rode a moped through the mountains where I saw at one point Ben was going 28mph! He's just got a little cheesy this episode. I really don't remember them talking to much between gasping for air after they sucked face every time the cameras were on them. I hate to say it but you all saw last season where I was sure Ashley was drunk 3/4 of the time, she might be after Ben's... alcohol! Can you blame her?!?!

Next was the group date with pouty JP (Seriously unattractive, note to all women), Lucas, and Ames. They had to take wedding pictures, which I thought were really cute. I agree Ames is not the cutest puppy of the bunch but his manners and the way he treats women is something you just don't see now a days. Did you see how he stood up when Ashley entered the room... heart melted a little bit! I even started to like Lucas just a little this date and then Ashley gives the rose to the squeakiest wheel, JP. Watch out girl, he might be a stage 5 clinger!

Who does the last date go to... Ryan. Man, looking back I picked the worst men out of all 25. My only saving grace is I never picked the DBAG Bentley! Did anyone else think that Ryan copped a feel when he hugged Ashley as her top had no back and basically flew up?!?! They spent the date being awkward and Ryan smiled a lot. I about died when she asked him to tell her something about energy saving and he started talking about tank-less water heaters. I am pretty sure I have had that same conversation with my engineer husband. That is where alcohol comes in handy in our relationship so his IQ drops down to my level sometimes :)! I am glad she let him go on the date and didn't wait. I about died laughing when he was so shocked. Seriously?!?! How do people NOT know? Maybe from mixed signals like Ashley wearing no clothes!

At the rose ceremony, Ashley again was wearing a dress that had a cutout back. Can we get a stylist that doesn't work at Deb's on the show?!?! Apparently she knew what she wanted to do and didn't even need a rose ceremony. I thought for sure it would be Ames gone, but it was Lucas. I thought both of them took it really well and then Ashley had a melt down again. Way to pickem' ABC! After Lucas exited I looked at the guys left... I just don't see it, none of them I would pick for her anymore.

Next week are home towns... this should be interesting!

**Emily interview: I at first did not know what to think about it but then she came across as really genuine. You could tell she really is upset about the situation and still loves Brad. It would of been even more telling if Brad would of been there and to see his reaction. I hope she wasn't putting on a show... time will tell. If she is the next Bachelorette, she is just like the rest ... a fame whore! Only other thing to note, did watching her not make you feel like you were watching a horse trying to get peanut butter off it's teeth?? What was going on there?!?!

Preparation For the Upcoming Nuptials

I know a lot of people probably wonder "How do you throw a Christina Aguilera Lovin', Zumba Dancing, Dr. Pepper Fanatic, Brutality Honest, and of course GOREGOUS girl a Bachelorette Party she would love"?? That's easy, give her a pole, BJ shots, drag queens, and a table to dance on and your job is complete!

The day started off with Pole Dancing lessons. I mean think about it, those could come in handy one day with this economy!

The Wath girls...

















as well as the Pitt State girls gave it there best shot!


















Needless to say, we all had some skills. Something to be proud of? Maybe...
























Funny moment...Alison asked "Does this look sexy, and Halley goes "Yes, that is a distraction" lol!! Mission accomplished I guess!























Halley also opened some presents and got some goodies...






















I couldn't show them all as well, you can see below...























Next we were off to the Cheesecake Factory for something to soak up all the alcohol :)!


















Ross for some reason was interested in the waitress, so she told him to meet her under the Palm Tree ;)






















Here came the first BJ of the night!






















That's all it took for Halley to get the party started!























Look who is excited for a drag show at Missy B's?!?

















What is better than a man bringing around jello shots? One with a whistle and no shirt! Pretty sure he is the only person that can pull off those booty shorts!











I you are wondering if the Bride got up on stage... you obviously don't know her ;)

















This girl will do anything for a spotlight and free drinks!






















I'd say you have some competition Halley...























It started to get crowded so before we got smothered, we headed to the next train wreck...

















Once we got to our last bar of the night, Halley had herself another BJ. Look mom, no hands!



















Even proper form sometimes does not pay off!























All I know is this was Halley's motto for the night...






















The end of the night was full of dancing...






















Whistle blowing...






















"Deuces" and "Why did I come thoughts"...


















Shots...

















And finally Halley's crown was stolen, so we called it a night!























Now that we have checked the Bachelorette Party off the list, it is time to get this girl married! Thanks to Halley's sisters for throwing such a fun party!

Love you Halley!