The Bachelorette: PG-13

I really struggled with whether or not to even right a blog this week.  I finally coaxed my husband into giving me the control for the TV and then about 45 minutes into it, I changed the channel.  He asked why I did that and I said I had to make sure I wasn't on PBS!  Emily is a freaking dud!  So of course she picks the least interesting guys to go on all the dates and we have to sit there and endure it!

The first date of the week went to Ryan, the pro sports trainer aka little kids boot camp instructor.  He seems like a nice enough guy if you just don't look directly at his face.  I am not sure what it is... maybe the fact that his neck all the sudden becomes his face.  Whatever it is, Emily finds that attractive.  She compared his looks to Brad... UH... GET SERIOUS!  For their date they played paddy-cake and braided each others hair.  Ok not really but OMG... that might have been more entertaining.  Basically Ryan had to spend a day in the life of Emily which involved making treats for her daughter with a floral apron on. Oh yea and then he got to sit in the car while Emily took the treats to the kids, this date just kept getting better and better!  Saving grace?  We got to listen to Gloriana which Ryan and Emily danced awkwardly in front of everyone to.  HELLO the song is called 'Kissed You" can we get a little action here... what a waste OF MY LIFE!


The next date was the group date which consisted of men taking off their shirts and being rubbed down with oil... wait no sorry I was dreaming of the good 'ol Bachelor days.  This date was all about the men and Emily putting on a show for a crowd with the Muppets.  HOLY HELL... me not having kids allows me to watch shows that don't involve sing-a-longs and the women who do have kids watch this show in hopes of seeing some trashy reality TV rather than what they have been subjected to ALL day.  HELP A SISTA OUT!  The only cute part of the day date was Charlie confiding in Emily that he didn't feel comfortable with his part due to his head injury.  Cute or working the sympathy card... thoughts?  The date ended with a little cocktail party where Emily got to talk with a few men.  The standout was Jef.  You can tell Emily is completely into him.  I am not sure yet if that is because he's playing hard to get or if there is an actual connection.  Come on women... you know we want what we can't have! That's right... 5th grade is still in full affect throughout your 20's, 30's, and hell probably forever.  I like him but ready to be a dad... just not sure?!?!  But he did get the rose on the date.

The last date went to who?  Yea I had no clue either but apparently Joe... caught her eye.  You want to know why?  Emily said he looks like Matthew McConaughey.  UH... on a serious note, do you think Emily is blind?  There is none and never will be any that look like Matthew!  Can you tell who my celebrity crush is on?!  I'll give her the hair but that is IT! Ok, now that we have that cleared up, we can move on to the date.  Emily took Joe to West Virgina, where she is from and honestly I have gone blank with what happened on the rest of the date.  That's right... completely blank.  All I know is Emily cried like she knew the guy for 20 years when she let him go.  I probably would too if I thought I was letting someone go that looked like Matthew McConaughey.  Hopefully watching the playback helped ease her mind!

 

 At the rose ceremony, Kalon held onto his d-bag title and poor Tony stood there waiting for Emily as she read another man's 7 PAGE letter to her.  Tony Tony Tony... there is a difference between having them chopped off and serving them on a platter #epicfailure!  In the end she did not give a rose to Aaron the biology teacher and some other guy that was there for the free booze/food.

FINALLY it looks like next week Emily will turn up the heat!  That's right people... teeth to teeth contact!  The guys better watch out, someone might chip a tooth!  I did see a one-on-one with Arie so pretty excited for that....

Until Next Week!