The Bachelorette: Hi I'm Ashley...Just Call Me Bentley's B!

After a long weekend in my hometown for Memorial Day Weekend, my hubby and I headed back to KC. I was thinking on the way back maybe we could go to the movies or rent one. As my husband ruled out going to one, I searched hard for one on our "one demand" channel. Good 'old SureWest was working like a charm as usual... NOT... so we were not able to view any movies. Just as I was about to give my spiel about how "I hate Time Warner but not as much as SureWest" I realized it was just the Bachelor Gods looking out for me because... it was MONDAY NIGHT!

















So what happened this week... The Dates Began!

The first one on one date went to HWOD (Hottie With One Dipple) William. Sigh! I mean, maybe Ashley does have some brains in there! They flew to Vegas on a private plan to have their date. Once they arrived...things started to get weird! First wedding cake tasting, then ring shopping, and finally the ALTER?!?! William needed his diaper changed for sure! Obviously it was all fake but it was cute that William played along. And in the end, he got to kiss his "maybe someday wife". I LOVED THE KISS... seriously almost tears...how cute! It was my favorite first date :), other than mine of course! Thinking back... what was mine and Nathan's first date?? He asked me to go to church!! Who can turn down the G O D!! Smooth...

Later that night Ashley and William had dinner on the water at the Bellagio! When William told the story about his dad, my heart was breaking for him. You could tell Ashley's was too as she later told how her dad was an alcoholic as well. You could tell they had a connection, a tongue connection that is! And at last, they began to get wet... YOU PERVES... the water show started!

Next was the group date! Is it just me or does my original love of the show, West, always look high now?!?! Anyhow, the group, again headed to Vegas. There they met up with Ashley and saw the JabbaWockeeZ preform. Let me just start off with saying that Ashley's body is BEYOND ridiculous! I think I was drooling alongside my husband and I don't even play for the other team! The guys had to perform a routine and the winners got to stay and hang out for the night. The more I watched, the less I started to like some of the guys. My love West is turning out to be a bit of a, for lack of better words, dushpump! Though he told his sad background story, you could tell there isn't quite a connection between him and Ashley yet.

Of course the cockiest group won and the nice guys got sent packing! Later that night the winning team got to spend some quality one on one time with Ashley. I can't even remember anyone elses time except for the SCUM OF THE EARTH'S turn... Bentley! I about died when he said "Tickle my Pickle". I literally started yelling "I'm going to rip off your pickle"!!!! I don't even like the girl that much but man this guy gets under my skin. Seriously... could he use his daughter anymore as a selling point. The worst part is she fell for it!! Granted, she doesn't know what we are seeing but MAN... he was laying it on thick and she licked it off with her mouth! Just a second, let me check... yep sure enough... I puked a little in my mouth just thinking about it!

After that gross date, we were onto the last one on one. It started with a flip of the coin and Mickey won. He was a little cuter than I remember the first episode. Let me just say, pretty sure this would be the date for me! I loved the randomness of flipping a coin for everything, and I am so going to steal that idea for a date night! They needed wine for their date so they flipped a coin to choose red or white. The way they had to get their wine was by being lifted up the side of the wine wall. It was amazing! All I could think was, I need a wall of wine in my house!! I loved how they got not 1 but 2 bottles ;)! Mickey seemed like a great guy, and I loved that his question was "When was the last time you cried". So random and thoughtful but genuine! I don't think she is his type but still a great guy! Later that night they got a performance by Colbie Caillat! I DIED... I love her! They of course sucked face because as my husband said "She is a kissingslut"! When they came up for air, they also had a great conversation about Mickey's mom. I loved how he talked about her! Then at the end of the night Ashley let the date end as it had began with a coin toss. Heads he stays, tails he goes! HE WAS PISSED... I wasn't sure which side he wanted it to land on! But his luck had not run out yet and he got the rose. Again, I don't see it but you never know...

At the Rose Ceremony...

I fell in LIKE a little with JP! He was confident but not cocky like Bentley. He just seems like a normal down to earth type of guy!

Why William?? The cuties are turning out to be not so great! William was even annoying me that night. I'm like play it cool man! You are excited we get it but unless they didn't show you consummating the deal, you have a ways to go!! When they had their one on one, he was like a dog in heat!

WHAT IS WITH THE MASK?!?! How can Ashley even take him seriously? Then he proceeds to tell her his entire life story in 2 sentences. Notice how he said he almost died and he was divorced, and she only asked him about his divorce! I wouldn't of gone down that rabbit hole either!

Guess who looks like Kirk from Ali Fedotowsky's season? Blake!

Ben C. seems like a great guy. He might be the black horse in this competition!

I hate even wasting my typing fingers on writing "Bentley". Let's just say Ashley, your radar, is more like a SUCKDAR! When she was about to pass out the roses and looked at Bentley and goes "I think my husband is in this room", they edited out "and I like abusive men who beat 3 legged dogs". I CAN NOT BELIEVE how much he sucks!

On top of keeping Bentley, she kept Phantom BatFace Mesnick because she likes being creeped on, as well as Ben F and Constantine. This girl is either making it really easy on herself when she has to cut them later or needs Brad's therapist from last season!

She did get rid of some cuties like Ryan and Momma's boy. But why would you keep them when Bentley is whispering sweet bullshit in your ear!

What should we look forward to for next week?

The Hurricane called Bentley...

The Bachelorette: Our Guilty Pleasure is Back!

Mondays have now gotten worse! How you might ask? Us 8-5ers already dread this awful day of catch up on stuff we put off on Friday ;) but now we have even more incentive for the clock to strike 5pm... The Bachelorette is BACK!!

















Now if you talked to me 2 months ago when we found out Ashley Hebert was going to be the next Bachelorette, you would of heard "Gag, puke, more gagging, and over my dead body am I watching. SHE DRIVES ME NUTS and I did not like her on the show. No No NO". That is the same thing I said about DeAnna Pappas the Big B & Jake Pavelka the creepy Bachelor with the bad laugh. BUT NONE THE LESS... May 23rd hit and you know this reality junkie can not help but watch! Reality TV is like cake to me... and this PHAT girl wants her cake ;)!

So here we go...25 Bachelors & 1 Bachelorette with WAY better hair than last season!

As Ashley waited for her 25 men to step out of the limos, I couldn't help but think... I love that dress. I mean what is not to love?! The color of the season (nude) and sparkles all over...AMAZING!






















Anyhow...now onto the juice.

If I were Ashley meeting the men for the first time, here would be the men I would remember for better or for worse ;)...

• Right off the bat I had a thing for Ryan or Mr. Solar as I like to call him. I must have a thing for men in the energy business ;)!

• I thought Jon should get a rose for "carrying her away" ok that was cheesy and also how he spells his name without an H just like my Step-dad did.

• I doubt I have to say this because everyone is already thinking it but good lord, did you see William? "Hi God, I'd like to order one really cute man with one dimple"!!!

• West won my heart right off the bat. Compass pointing west... melting!! He's at the top of my very short list of loves this season already!

• Is it just me or does Anthony look like the character Gaston off of Beauty & the Beast??

• When Ames gave Ashley ballet tickets, my heart melted. Then the camera man panned back to his face and I was like OMG thank goodness he thought to take her somewhere where the house lights go down!

• OF COURSE the masked man, or as I now fondly call him "Phantom BatFace" is from St. Louis. He is totally representative of the Midwest....NOT!

• Ben the wine maker. If it was me, I would say fine, you make wine you can stay the first round, but your hair says you have to leave next! Then again, an endless supply of wine for life... I could just be drunk our entire relationship! People always look better with a buzz ;).

• Ryan, at first your picture idea was super cute. I know I, as well as many woman, LOVE the camera. More like the camera loves us ;) but then when you asked Ashley to take a picture of Chris Harrison and you, your flag was flying high. She knows she isn't hot enough to turn any man! But you and Chris... that could be cute :)

• And finally...Bentley. Doesn't he just look like a heart breaker. Let me just say that woman are so dumb! It's not just Ashley that would be smitten with this tall drink of water even after she heard he is the devil's 1st born. I MEAN LOOK AT HIM! Her laugh when she met him was like "I'm so screwed... I hope" LOL!

After meeting all the men, the real heart to hearts began!

Ben, the wine maker, told Ashley he had given her Cabernet when he met her. FINE... this guy is trying to win me over! I mean 8-10 hours of the day my eyes are closed anyway!

I loved Momma's boy Matt! HOW cute was he that he called his mom. It might of scared off some women, but if he is that close to his mother, you need to know what you are getting into. And her advice about killed me... "Don't do it on the overnight date, but if you do, use protection" haha!

Side note: Does anyone think Phantom BatFACE is Jason Mesnick?



















Ben C. won me over with the signs. Beyond creative! It reminded me of Love Actual... "sigh"!

Mr. HWAD (Hottie with a dimple) William somehow became even cuter when he did the impersonations. Love a guy with a sense of humor. Do we think he's too young (emotionally) though?

Tim Tim Tim. Drunk really? First you tell her your job is "one and surpes" WTF, then you get the hiccups, and finally you passout snoring. Talk about a dream come true! Like one RA-TARD on the show said, "If you can't take the heat...get out of the oven"...HUH?!!

From one dirt bag to the next...Bentley. Granted, Ashley can not see/hear what he is saying to production but in all fairness, she was warned! Bentley said "You can ask me anything" and I wished Ashley would of said "Ok do you wish I was blonde, won last season, and just dumped Brad's ass?"

At the end of the night, Mr. SOLAR. won the first impression rose. In my head I started signing..."You light up my life..."

Rose Ceremony

COME ON PBFM (Phantom BatFace Mesnick) got the first rose. I knew Ashley was weird but gross. Then Constantine got a rose, then another long haired goober....WHAT IS WITH THIS GIRL! Finally she started picking some winners....like William. PS...I know why I love him, he looks just like Jake on "Sweet Home Alabama".

So what does the rest of the season look like?

I always try to see if I can tell who the men are in the end or listen to their voices. Like I can tell after one night right?! In my opinion I think we are going to be surprised with who she keeps around this season other than Bentley. My real question is ... when does PBFM take off his mask??

Until next Monday... the suspense :)!

California Wineache

What do free flights, a love for wine, and people who would like any excuse to not be working lead to? A trip to San Fransisco/Napa Valley! Would I reccommend it now having gone there? Well if you are someone who gets this far in my blogs, and then just looks at the pictures then yes absolutely! If you want to know why...you'll have to read on :)!

Friday
We took off on an early morning flight which I was super excited for because I was finally traveling with my husband and not for work. AND I finally got to use the bag my mom made for me! Just call her the free Nancy Bradly!

When we arrived in San Francisco, I looked at Nate and go "Totto we aren't in Kansas anymore" ok not really because that would of been so cheesy. Instead right when we stepped off the plan I started singing "In the city, city of Compton...". It was weird but then the entire airport yelled "We keep it rockin'! We keep it rockin'!"

Then the real adventure began...

We headed down to the Wharf. It was gorgeous! We had some fish, of course, and then walked around.

Apparently my kisses are wild! How do you think I got Nathan ;)?

Unfortunately no one had told me about the "Bush Man" or at least that is what I call him. Let me set the scene for you, I was having a nice conversation with my husband and then all the sudden some bush came lunging at me and roared. My reaction was to yell "HOLY SHIT". Apparently if he does that to you, you have 7 years of good luck! In my opinion he needs to trim his bush...

Then it was time to head to Napa for our first wine tour/tasting.

So I left my white trash volcabulary at the Wharf because we were headed to a place fit for Kings & Queens, Castello di Amorosa.

We took a tour of the castle. It was built completely out of materials made from Italy, maninly Tuscany. It was gorgous! They have mid-evil parties there, wine club, and wedding receptions. It took 15 years to build.

They even had a torture chamber for bad husbands!

While Nate was being punished, I found a one night stand ;)!

Humans can not stay at the castle so the only residents are a couple cats, and these goats! It was like being back in KS :)!

We had a great time there!

Then we headed back to San Fran to eat in Little Italy but not before a little needed sightseeing! Look familiar?

Here's another clue...

We then took a picture in front of a random house we thought was Mrs. Doubtfire's! But then quickly creeped on the right door step to get the real deal after looking at house numbers!

Finally we ate in Little Italy....YUM!!

Something to note for future reference though, when it's a Friday night and there is a baseball game at home in San Francisco be prepared for a 3hr drive ;)!

Saturday
We had an early morning, because I had jam packed this vacation! So much to do, so little time! But before we could get our day started, we needed a little breakfast. I have always heard celebs talk about Jamba Juice so I decide when in Rome! IT WAS TO DIE FOR! You can get your veggies/fruit in for the day and they tell you exactly how many calories are in each smoothie. AMAZEBALLS!

Anyhow, now that I got my Jamba Juice sponsorship out of the way, I can tell you about the rest of our day! We headed to Alcatraz Island. Granted this was something Nathan wanted to do not I, but it ended up being really cool and the views were amazing!

Oh and even better, it was Civil War day where people who I PRAY have "real people jobs" dress up to reenact the war!

Nathan and I trying to look like prisoners with 1980's headsets.

We had to literally run to make the boat going back to the island. It gave me a glimpse of what those prisoners felt like running for their lives...that is how bad I wanted to make the boat to keep us on schedule :)!

We had a great lunch at "Wipeout Bar & Grill" and then we tried to hold in our lunch down the windiest road in America....Lombard Street! Pure craziness!

It was then time to head back to the wine country but not before crossing the Golden Gate Bridge. Was the guy who named it color blind? But what a sight...

Finally we made it to Sterling Vinyards. I thought man...this has to be a great place, the girl in the bathroom is SLAMMED lol! The gondola ride was fun and beautiful. It took us up to the top of the hill to the actual winery.

Though the wine was what the layman would call "crappy", Nate and I still made the best of it and had lots of fun!

We even did some Alison Moore photography! Seriously Ali, whenever we tried to take a cool picture, we would say "I'm going to Alison Moore this" lol!! Hit her up people if you need pictures taken! www. alisonmoorephotography.com

Though the wine at Sterling was sub-par the views were not...

and the grapes huh Nate ;)?

That night we were looking for somewhere to eat along our way back to our hotel. Nate kept pointing out places and I would say "That looks like a day restaurant. I want to look at a night resturant". I then had to explain to him that night restuants were sexy. And still I got the look of "WHO ARE YOU". We finally decided on Pacific Blues Cafe in Yountville. Though definitely felt like a "day resturant", it was DELICIOUS! The Ahi Tuna Tacos were OMG to die for!

Sunday
We called this the "DAY 'O WINE"! What does that mean? It means all wine, all day :)! Our first winery was "Cakebread Cellars".

The wine was amazing and the people running it were even better! FINALLY a place that brought out the big guns with the large glasses and they also knew how to pour! They knew what they were doing....get people tipsy at 10:30am and they are bound to buy bottles of wine that are double what they wanted to spend :)!

The people next to us at Cakebread were talking about how they heard the winery next door was great, so Nate & I didn't go far to get to our next stop....Sequoia Grove!

It also didn't hurt they had a sign out side that caught this red wine lovers eye ;)

We again, had some great wine! And now I finally have figured out what type of dog I want...a Bullmastiff :)! Seriously...isn't he a lover!

Our wine pourer at Sequoia was so much fun to talk to. We found out shortly that the reason we had so much in common was because he used to live in Shawnee, KS. Sometimes it's about who you know, and sometimes it's about where you are from! Being that we were from Kansas, we got to taste some wines that weren't even on the menu. He knew the way to this Kansas girl's heart :)!

He also gave the best reccomendation for lunch! My mouth is watering just thinking about this. We went to Go Fish for lunch. I had the BEST salmon sandwhich of my entire life! And that is not just the bottle of wine we shared at lunch talking!

Should we of called it a day after 2 great wineries and a bottle of wine at lunch...maybe...but that is definitely NOT what happened! Onto PlumpJack for another tasting.

Contrary to how we look in the photos above we do remember that the wine was NOT superb. But the nice thing about going to PlumpJack is that we got to drive through a little of the country side and get some great pictures!

Want to play a fun game? Where's the wino?

We made it back to the highway and found another winery called Hall. Again, someone did some great marketing to catch my eye...

We actually found people that looked just like us there!

This winery had such a great atmosphere. We sat outside, enjoyed the acoustic guitar, and had great conversations.

From there we were on a roll. We were like "ok, we can definitely hit up 2 more wineries." Again, should we of...eh...absolutely if you asked us ;)! So quickly we stopped at Robert Mondavi. They said we were too drunk so they turned us away. OK NOT REALLY! They were "closed" for the day. I screamed "Come on, I'll pay in cash" but that didn't even work ;). So instead we took the opportunity to take fun pictures!

Finally, we stopped at the last winery of the day called Peju Province.

By this time I'm sure our taste buds were coated with a days worth of wine but for what it's worth, we enjoyed the wine.

I also made some short friends there. There were a couple little kids there with their parents for Mother's Day. Maybe they liked me because my IQ was probably at their level by then lol!

Our day ended at Ginza Sushi in Tiburon, CA. It was delicious, much needed, and had a waterfront view!

Monday

Our last stop of the trip...Tartine Bakery & Cafe. Let me just say, the croissants that had chocolate and other flavors in them... MELTED in your mouth! They were so flakly, light, delicious... great way to end the trip!

What are my must sees/do's having been to San Fran/Napa?

• Cakebread Cellars
• Sequoia Grove Winery- If you are from KS ask for the retired Chief of Police that used to live in Shawnee, KS
• Go Fish (Resturant)
• Ginza Sushi
• Castello di Amorosa Tour
• Alcatraz Island Tour
• Visit the Fisherman's Wharf

Nathan and I had an amazing time. We might have even found where we are going to retire ;)