Monday, May 30, 2011

The Bachelorette: Hi I'm Ashley...Just Call Me Bentley's B!

After a long weekend in my hometown for Memorial Day Weekend, my hubby and I headed back to KC. I was thinking on the way back maybe we could go to the movies or rent one. As my husband ruled out going to one, I searched hard for one on our "one demand" channel. Good 'old SureWest was working like a charm as usual... NOT... so we were not able to view any movies. Just as I was about to give my spiel about how "I hate Time Warner but not as much as SureWest" I realized it was just the Bachelor Gods looking out for me because... it was MONDAY NIGHT!

So what happened this week... The Dates Began!

The first one on one date went to HWOD (Hottie With One Dipple) William. Sigh! I mean, maybe Ashley does have some brains in there! They flew to Vegas on a private plan to have their date. Once they arrived...things started to get weird! First wedding cake tasting, then ring shopping, and finally the ALTER?!?! William needed his diaper changed for sure! Obviously it was all fake but it was cute that William played along. And in the end, he got to kiss his "maybe someday wife". I LOVED THE KISS... seriously almost cute! It was my favorite first date :), other than mine of course! Thinking back... what was mine and Nathan's first date?? He asked me to go to church!! Who can turn down the G O D!! Smooth...

Later that night Ashley and William had dinner on the water at the Bellagio! When William told the story about his dad, my heart was breaking for him. You could tell Ashley's was too as she later told how her dad was an alcoholic as well. You could tell they had a connection, a tongue connection that is! And at last, they began to get wet... YOU PERVES... the water show started!

Next was the group date! Is it just me or does my original love of the show, West, always look high now?!?! Anyhow, the group, again headed to Vegas. There they met up with Ashley and saw the JabbaWockeeZ preform. Let me just start off with saying that Ashley's body is BEYOND ridiculous! I think I was drooling alongside my husband and I don't even play for the other team! The guys had to perform a routine and the winners got to stay and hang out for the night. The more I watched, the less I started to like some of the guys. My love West is turning out to be a bit of a, for lack of better words, dushpump! Though he told his sad background story, you could tell there isn't quite a connection between him and Ashley yet.

Of course the cockiest group won and the nice guys got sent packing! Later that night the winning team got to spend some quality one on one time with Ashley. I can't even remember anyone elses time except for the SCUM OF THE EARTH'S turn... Bentley! I about died when he said "Tickle my Pickle". I literally started yelling "I'm going to rip off your pickle"!!!! I don't even like the girl that much but man this guy gets under my skin. Seriously... could he use his daughter anymore as a selling point. The worst part is she fell for it!! Granted, she doesn't know what we are seeing but MAN... he was laying it on thick and she licked it off with her mouth! Just a second, let me check... yep sure enough... I puked a little in my mouth just thinking about it!

After that gross date, we were onto the last one on one. It started with a flip of the coin and Mickey won. He was a little cuter than I remember the first episode. Let me just say, pretty sure this would be the date for me! I loved the randomness of flipping a coin for everything, and I am so going to steal that idea for a date night! They needed wine for their date so they flipped a coin to choose red or white. The way they had to get their wine was by being lifted up the side of the wine wall. It was amazing! All I could think was, I need a wall of wine in my house!! I loved how they got not 1 but 2 bottles ;)! Mickey seemed like a great guy, and I loved that his question was "When was the last time you cried". So random and thoughtful but genuine! I don't think she is his type but still a great guy! Later that night they got a performance by Colbie Caillat! I DIED... I love her! They of course sucked face because as my husband said "She is a kissingslut"! When they came up for air, they also had a great conversation about Mickey's mom. I loved how he talked about her! Then at the end of the night Ashley let the date end as it had began with a coin toss. Heads he stays, tails he goes! HE WAS PISSED... I wasn't sure which side he wanted it to land on! But his luck had not run out yet and he got the rose. Again, I don't see it but you never know...

At the Rose Ceremony...
I fell in LIKE a little with JP! He was confident but not cocky like Bentley. He just seems like a normal down to earth type of guy!

Why William?? The cuties are turning out to be not so great! William was even annoying me that night. I'm like play it cool man! You are excited we get it but unless they didn't show you consummating the deal, you have a ways to go!! When they had their one on one, he was like a dog in heat!

WHAT IS WITH THE MASK?!?! How can Ashley even take him seriously? Then he proceeds to tell her his entire life story in 2 sentences. Notice how he said he almost died and he was divorced, and she only asked him about his divorce! I wouldn't of gone down that rabbit hole either!

Guess who looks like Kirk from Ali Fedotowsky's season? Blake!

Ben C. seems like a great guy. He might be the black horse in this competition!

I hate even wasting my typing fingers on writing "Bentley". Let's just say Ashley, your radar, is more like a SUCKDAR! When she was about to pass out the roses and looked at Bentley and goes "I think my husband is in this room", they edited out "and I like abusive men who beat 3 legged dogs". I CAN NOT BELIEVE how much he sucks!

On top of keeping Bentley, she kept Phantom BatFace Mesnick because she likes being creeped on, as well as Ben F and Constantine. This girl is either making it really easy on herself when she has to cut them later or needs Brad's therapist from last season!

She did get rid of some cuties like Ryan and Momma's boy. But why would you keep them when Bentley is whispering sweet bullshit in your ear!

What should we look forward to for next week?

The Hurricane called Bentley...

1 comment:

  1. I laughed through this entire post - I just love you!